Post traumatic stress disorder?
i was raped by my ex-boyfriends (of 3 years) best friend. my ex was there and did nothing while i screamed for him and was raped multiple times in his bed. it has been just over a year now and i did seek counceling and am on medications for depression. I recently have started having terrible dreams, not about the actual incident but about confronting mainly my ex boyfriend, who was my best friend and stopped talking to me after that night. i am terrified of running into either of the males and am constantly watching for them. the one time i did run into my rapist i ran into a neighbors yard and had a panic attack. could i have PTSD? whats wrong with me?
I’m so sorry my darling that such a ‘terrible potentailly devastating and incomprehensible’ act was perpetrated ‘forcibly’ against yourself against your protestations, screams to dissist and for help.
This is an unforgiveable act and only the extraordinary supreme, divine soul/eternal life can pardon. I cannot without his help nor can you nor should you, and I don’t even know you personally.
My advice is based on years of experience and some amount of expertise in medical/legal matters as an unyet qualified and liscened medical specialist/psychological medicine. I am also a Christian believer.
It’s unfortunate that you’ve come face to face with ‘the dark side’ of these two men. You may try to confront your so called ‘boyfriend’ and give him a strong tongue lashing. That’s what he needs and more. He needs to be incarcerated (Locked away) along with the ‘direct’ perpetrator of this horrendous crime. Don’t be fooled Kacy, this is a criminal act, and must be punished and swiftly!
Your obviously a survivor, I’ve come across several, some who’ve amazed themselves. The phsycal trauma from his private ‘hitting’ yours obviously did not create any serious hemmorage (blood letting). However, unless you’ve already reported the rape/incident, and had a proper ‘physical’/ physical exam, it’s obviously now too late, for any medical analysis to collect specimen (if any) or a comprehensive physical examination including general mental/psychiatric status evaluation. Your hypothetical medical diagnosis of PTSD is a little troubling because from your brief report I do not get the clear sense that you were seen by a competent physician or even psychologist.
You did say that you did seek counselling however. Good. Anything is better than nothingNevertheless, not all couselling is curative certainly not in the short-term for psychiatric disturbances/conditions that have an underlying medical pathology.
I’m not gonna follow up question your treatment plan including meds for depression or panic ( a recognised transitory anxiety state prompted by some cognitive trigger). But you may also develop phobic tendencies (exaggerated avoidance of some actual object place or situation) based on acute (intense) fear reactivity.
Oher anxiety states may also develop like GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), cutting, anorexia, bed-wetting (more common in children) or urinary incontinence (uncontrollable urge to urinate) or OCD (obsessive/compulsive behaviors) all of which I assume would have been precipitated by this tragic ordeal (which it was) and which obviously lasted for some time.
My firm advice, take legal action/recourse against these individuals. I know you may be terrified and/or terribly embarrassed. Both these feelings (fear and shame/ego sensitivity) are completely normal and no one can judge you for feeling this way.
THIS is your right!!! Don’t apologize to no one, no so-called boyfriend or family member(s), not even yourself. AND DON”T FEEL GUILTY. It was not your fault. Legally the constitution recognises and judges that even a lack of protestation at the time of the incident (i.e no screams) ‘cannot nor will not, in every case’ be construed as willing consent. (So even if the woman consents to the sexual act, and even if not forfible or forceful, if she is ‘coerced’ by any means (especially the belief that in consenting she is protecting her physical self or life) is declared to be rape, a legally and criminally punishable act and certain grounds for imprisonment.
These ruthless perpetrators must be removed from the public sphere. This is the law. (Seek legal redress if possible). I completely understand you may be reluctant and may ’somehow’ even in the back of your mind wish to ’somehow’ help/protect your so-called boyfriend.
Believe me he is either of three things:
1. An extremely weak wuss. Even if he was your so-called ‘best friend’. (Pardon me but friends protect not expose loved ones to hurt and intense pain (physical, psychological or otherwise, when it is in their power to prevent it).
2. He like the perpetrator is the ‘predatory’; type of “Alpha Male’. A potentially very dangerous breed. (My advice, stay away from pit-bulls, they maim and can kill). He means you no good.
3. he himself has a psychiatric disturbance.
Predatory personalities are what we call extemely ‘narssistic’ i.e caompletely focused on ego gratification. They are inwardly self-promoting aggandizers, even though some themselves are psychologically disturbed. They do not possess ‘a normal’ psychology. Just like any other sexual perverted pesonality type or act (diagnosed in the DSM [diagnostic statical manual] of mental disorders.
Kacy, you cannot win him over. Based on his behavior he may not even believe or choose to believe your version of the incident. You also may not get him to be genuinely remorseful or penitient for his failure to save/protect you from that ‘wild animal’ so be aware and alert to this possibility.
I stress again, rape is not only a ‘perverted’ sexual act (perpetuated against an adult or minor over 16), it shows up against children who are scarred just as well )incest/pedophillia, some before formal memory exixts (1-2) years.
It is also formally considerd and ‘act’ of [aggression or violence] perpetuated ‘forcibly’ or by implied/perceived or ‘believed’ threat against another human being regardless of gender.
So Kacy there is nothing at all ‘wrong’ with you. You seemingly accurately describe what appear to be symptoms of ’stress reaction’ possibly acute with signs (terrible dreams, possibly future flashbacks) directly related to the incident and the individuals involved (you have not mentioned any physical/physiological symptoms). Many soldiers who’ve been in
So here I’m making only an initial agreement with your assessment and report. It is in no way a conclusive or comprehensive diagnosis which can and should only be made by your attending physician, referal specialist or in a consultation capacity with your GP/physician/psyciatrist.
I do however believe that you are experiencing some ‘psychological overload’/distress which must be addressed successfully becasue it quickly can influence and interfere with ‘normal’ genetic expression, creating an underlying ‘medical insult/condition’ in which the prior intergity of your Nervous System is compromised.
You obviously need more aggressive folow-up care on an in or out-patient basis to clear up potentiating psychological impairments (eg. intrusive, and unwanted thoughts) and the earlier you take my advise the better prognosis (long-term) outcome you can expect as well as a faster recovery.
Believe me as i’m sure you know complete recovery is possibly emotionally and psychologically i.e. mentally and in terms of reorienting to normal behavior and psychologial reactivity. Sporadic physiologicla aroursal if present like hyper-active autonomic activity eg. easy and profuse sweating or ‘irritable bowel syndrome’ an older term or other physical symptoms, rapid heart beat, muscle tension if present will likely require meds (at least for some time). Again discuss with your GP/specialist (preferably female
your at least poartially comfortable with, get a second opinion if necessary, and I pray you cna access health/medical insurance, public and or private thru’ HMO’s and or private providers US, OHIP Canada or THe National Health Service In the UK. Try to keep down all medical costs including consultations and any meds if necessary. Please take a holistic approach to recovery, total health approach, including alternative and complimentary therapies if useful and cost effective. You don’t need them all, but be informed of what;’s out there to genuinely help you. Check the credentials of everyonbe and everything (so called well-ness programs) Many are flukes and money grabbing so don’t be nieve.
Lean on any trusted girlfriend(s)/collegues,classmates you can or any close siblings/family as long asa necessary to get you over this episode eventually. It was a terrible episode again. It’s not your whole life, neither previously nor future, believe me. Try though to live in the now/present.
Take time out to ’smell the roses’ anc connect with nature/animals if you like.
On another noter you will likely/possibly have to undergo ‘rape fear desensitization’ that is decreasing and eliminating acute fear/stress reaction eg. panic to the rapist (the psychic stressor) or ‘flooding’ [reliving exposure to that particular ordeal or some visual/auditory(listening) exposure to ’similar scenario’ such that you begin to relax more and more mentally/emo until completely, and process in a ‘new’ way a positive oreintation to this experience. It will and definitely can make you a stronger individual.
I have found that the best help that is a comforting and constant, aside from the medical/psychiatric/psychological is healing for the ’soul’/psyche.
The good book says “GOD is love. He who lives in love, lives in God and God in him”) Jesus of Nazareth said “Come to me all you who are tired and ‘weighed down’, and I will give you rest for your souls). The famous psalm 23 says “The LORD is my shephard, I shall not be in want…Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of de